"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." —Tori AmosLike the learning curve, the progression of any sort of healing is not a consistent and direct gain. Healing is fraught with plateaus, steps backwards and emotional pitfalls.
So far, I've been buoyed by busyness... doctor appointments, research and accumulation of "medicines", teaching annual evening classes, giving a new lecture, making the house safe for hobbling, the perennial chore of cleaning the studio, and god knows what else. It feels like I've been resting a lot and for one or two days now and then, I have pretty much just laid up. But it also feels like I've been cruising on momentum that was in swing before my accident.
Finally, two days ago, it was all I could do to get from the bedroom to the living room. Although I have been in good spirits all along, this morning, the emotional bottom fell out. Only to be expected...
Like it or not, these experiences are part of the healing process. So, I'm surrendering to this day's experience. I am also noticing how one negative thought leads to another.
Rather than do battle with the negative thoughts (trying to replace them with positive thoughts), I'm just letting them flow without letting them stick. Just writing that makes me smile!
And, I'm taking action. Little actions, but actions nonetheless. Like sharing this unusually intimate post with photos. We've all been there (here) and something about sharing a universal experience helps to dissipate the less enjoyable qualities. Thank you for letting me share. I'm sure that I'll be back to my old self soon.
Or, here's a thought: Maybe this is a part of my old self that I am choosing to let go of through this particular healing process. I kind of like this idea. Today's experience is just the death throes of some old negativity.
Now, a bit of sweet to counteract the gall. After showing folks around the house in my last post, a few friends asked "Where are the cats?" Well, here they are:
Joining me in repose.
All right. I'm going to go clean up the studio. It's the last task to cross off on my long list of chores. I'll probably perk right up when I'm finished.
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